today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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