She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
