i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
