This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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