My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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