I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
