My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
