Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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