Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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