dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
