Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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