A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
