you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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