The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't turn off my feet"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
