I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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