i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
