Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
