I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dick very happy bro
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
