how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
