Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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