wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my being single is dangerous.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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