My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
