I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
