Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
