i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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