Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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