Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
