you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
