I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
