you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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