GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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