Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
