you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
