why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
