what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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