Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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