I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
