Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
