Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
