I wanna bring you to show and tell
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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