Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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