we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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