I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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