i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
