I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
