Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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