Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
