Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
