Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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