i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
