i permit you to call me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
