Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want to be your penis for a week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
