She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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