bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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